The Mother Wound – The Wounded Life Sustaining Cord

The Mother Wound, The Wounded Life Sustaining Cord

The Acute Awareness of the intensity of the Pain that was and is ignited by YOU not being There for me when I needed you the most.

You, not being Here for me and for yourself now or ever before!

What’s happening now is only highlighting and inviting into awakening the fulness of dormant pain, of never regretted, of never forgiven ABSENCE of you in my life…

You were not There even when I needed you the most… And I grew up believing that I should never “need you”, because I knew that I would never get your Presence, your attention, your focus, your Acceptance of me..

I ended up running all around the world, trying to fill that deep, endless, core need unmet – knowing that, no matter what I would do or what I would accomplish, it would never be good enough for you to Accept me…. It would never be good enough for me to accept myself…

I spent my entire life carrying that bleeding wound on My Heart…always seeking, always noticing, always longing for who or what is it going to be able to finally Accept me the way I am. Just the way I already am, without needing or wanting me to be something else in order for them to accept me.

Fearing constantly that it’s just a matter of time when they will “figure” me out and realize that they should reject me, because of all justified, by my mind, “faults” that I had.

All of that, only because you were never there for me…you were never able to Accept me, you were never able to Witness All Of Me, you were never able to be Present to Me.

Seeing and realizing now that you were never able even to witness yourself, to be Present to yourself, doesn’t really help to refuge all my sorrow…

I feel like I LOST you, before ever even really having a chance to “have” you…

All I’m left with now is this massive mountain of sadness, emptiness, sorrow, anger, disappointment, refusal, worry and love…

This confusing, socially conditioned program of “how can I despise you, when I’m supposed to only love you?”..

And honestly, can I?…

How can you not accept me, when you created the life of me, you birthed me, you brought me into this world.. You desired me into existence… You made me from and with your flesh and blood..

You invested into the core of me every single tear, every single smile, every single ache, every single hope that you’ve ever had.

I could have been your Safe Shelter, your warm Home, your Family and Support that you never had before, or after. I could have been for and to you EVERYTHING that you never got, everything you never had.

You were supposed to be for me what I never got to have, but what I always, ALWAYS LONGED for!…

I wish I was Held Safely by you…I wish All Of Me was Accepted, cherished and embraced fully by you!

I wish I was loved and tended to in a way that only a devoted, Present Mother would Love her child..

I wish you treated me like I was your heart beating and existing outside of your chest..

I wish I was enough…

The worst and the most painful thing about all of this is that: maybe I even was all of that for you, but you just never knew how to show me that….you just never took time to show me.

You never had the time for me…

So we ended up walking like two wounded halves of the same broken heart, that originated from the same unfulfilled desire for acceptance and love.

The same stream of unquenchable thirst of notenoughness.

You always seemed too distant, even when you were next to me. You were too busy and too engaged with everything else but me.

You were always so painfully absent to me.

The biggest loss of all is to lose something you so desperately needed and wanted before ever getting a chance to have it.

Sometimes the hardest step will be to confess the absence of what should have never been taken away from us.

Sometimes, there will be no other way to tend to the ache of our hearts, but through the recognition and confession of the loss we have suffered.

Through acknowledging and sharing my pain, I’ve learned to finally Accept All Of Myself.

Through seeing the roots of my pain, I could see the origins of yours.

I could never not forgive you.

I could never not Love you.

If you are interested to explore more about the mother wound, that will be one of the topics we will dive into during our The Perennial Heart Awakening, four weeks long group guidance journey for accessing subtle and deep levels of Self-Love, Self-Realization, Self-Acceptance, Self-Forgiveness and Self-Worth.

The Perennial Heart Awakening group coaching journey will start in the new year.

We will guide you while walking the path of self discovery together with You. You can join the waitlist here.